Regret
by Professor Wolfsbane
Summary: Steven vents some angst; feels better. Cross-posted from Ao3.


Steven yawned as he climbed the stairs to his loft, scratching his chest sleepily. Stretching slightly, he climbed onto his bed and wiggled under the covers with a sigh as he reached out to his phone. He tapped a quick goodnight message to Connie, smiling at the small string of zzzz's she quickly replied with before he plugged the charger in, put the phone aside onto his dresser and laid down. Closing his eyes, Steven drifted off to sleep.

 _Pink... so pink... much pink..._

Steven opened his eyes. All around him, swaying gently in the wind, were pink flowers. He groaned. " **Oh, great. Another diamond dream. What am I gonna learn this time? Connie's a gem, Pearl is actually my father somehow, or Amethyst is really Purple Diamond?** " he muttered sarcastically as he lay there.

Steven sat up with a sigh. " **Might as well get this over with...** "

Standing, he looked around. " **Huh? Okay, no palanquin, so this isn't Korea, and I'm not crying, so it isn't Blue Diamond visiting again...** "  
As he glanced up, he suddenly noticed something he had missed in his earlier frustration. " **Why is the sky pink?!** "  
Looking around frantically, he saw that everything around him were varying shades of pink; even the dirt, as he brushed it off of his pyjamas and hands. " **Well, this is weird...** "

Picking a random direction, Steven started walking, hoping to figure out what he was supposed to do here. He watched a hot pink butterfly float past, and saw a herd of small pink deer run across his path some distance ahead. Beyond them, he spotted a line of trees, too thick to see past, but a narrow and well-tread path was weaving between them. " **Okay, I guess I'll go that way then.** "

Reaching the trees, he saw that some were bearing fruit. Dark pink apples, and even light pink bananas hung from the trees. " **Huh. And yet, still not the strangest thing I've seen.** " he mused, remembering some of his missions with the gems.

The trees thinned out into a field, long pink grass waving gently. Ahead, he could see a hill, and at the top... " **Pink Diamond?** " he whispered, his hand subconsciously clutching at his shirt above his own gem.

As Steven nervously came around the hill, Pink Diamond glanced over and stared in confusion. " **Huh? Who are...** " she glanced down at his hand, still clutching his belly, and gasped. " **St-Steven?!** " she whispered, reaching out to him.

Steven stepped back, feeling his emotions well up at the sight of his mother. He could finally tell her everything, everything that he felt about her...

" **ARRRGGGGHHHH!** " he screamed in frustration, startling Pink who pulled her hand away and shuffled back, surprised.

" **Why did you do it?! You started a war, against** ** _yourself_** **! You faked your own death, and even talked Pearl into helping you! You ordered her not to talk about it, not even giving her a** ** _chance_** **to make that decision for herself! You lied to** ** _everyone_** **! Ruby, Sapphire, Garnet, Amethyst, Bismuth... You lied to them, pretended to be someone you weren't!** " he yelled, voice cracking with emotion.  
" **I've** ** _met_** **Blue and Yellow! Do you even know how badly they're both messed up because of** ** _you_** **?! Blue's been miserable and depressed for more than five thousand years, because she blames herself for** ** _your_** **death! Yellow is forcing herself to bury her emotions for the sake of all of the gems who are counting on her to be a strong leader. She can't even** ** _talk_** **about you, it hurts too much.** " he panted heavily at his outburst.

Pink opened her mouth, but Steven cut her off as he caught his breath.

" **Pearl's had to hold onto so much guilt over what you did; she blames herself for the corruption, and she only did it to be with** ** _you_** **! Do you even** ** _care_** **how depressed Pearl was for most of my childhood?! She** ** _loved_** **you, with everything she had, and you cheated on her I don't even** ** _want_** **to know how many times!** " he started pacing angrily.  
" **Not to mention how badly** ** _I'm_** **screwed up. Never** **feeling like I could possibly fill the shoes of the** ** _great_** **_Rose_** **_Quartz_** **...** " he almost spat. " **...only to find out that she never really existed. I've almost** ** _died_** **a few times because of you. Jasper tried to take me back to Homeworld, Eyeball tried to chisel you out of my** **_gut_** **, Blue and Yellow put me on trial for** ** _your_** **crimes, because they think Rose killed Pink.** ** _I'm_** **the one who has to deal with the aftermath of** ** _your_** **actions.** ** _I'm_** **the one who has to clean up** **_your_** **messes.** "

Steven stopped pacing and looked up at her, the tears streaming down his face matching hers. " **I used to be really proud to be your son. The son of the great rebel leader who fought to protect the Earth and everyone who wanted to be free. But now..**." he sighed, wiping his face on his pyjama top. " **...I don't even know how to feel about you anymore. Except angry at how badly you screwed everything up. And confused... because why couldn't you see how terrible you were being?!** "

After a moment of silence filled only with the sound of sniffling, Pink sighed. " **Nobody's truly perfect and flawless, Steven. Not even a Diamond.** "

Steven looked up at her as she curled up, hugging her knees.

" **The truth is... I was a selfish, egotistical, massive pink... toddler, back then. I thought I was entitled to everything that the others had; armies, colonies... the works. I thought for sure that I could do it all better than them too. But, then I was allowed to have my first, and only, colony. Earth.** " she sighed. " **It was the first time that I had been left on a new world, unsupervised by the others, with total control. I shapeshifted into one of my gems, a Rose Quartz, and started to explore it, but I was neglecting my duties to do so. I started to connect with things, like humans. I was fascinated by them.** " she gave a small gentle laugh. " **They're ability to change and grow, their endless possibilities... it was amazing.** "

Pink sighed heavily. " **But then... Pearl reminded me of the plans for the colony, pointed out that the process destroys the native life. I-I couldn't do it. I couldn't continue with the colony, knowing what it'd do to the humans, and all the wonderful things that live on Earth. But... Blue, Yellow, White... I had begged and whined for so long to get my own colony, and they wouldn't let me give it up. They insisted that the colony** ** _had_** **to be finished. During my explorations, I'd already learned that many of my gems were also concerned about the fact that finishing the colony would destroy everything that made the Earth so great. So, I staged a rebellion.** "

" **I'd hope that the fact that so many gems didn't want the colony to continue would be enough to** **convince the others, but they advised me to ignore it and continue on as planned. Every excuse I came up with, they refused to accept. Even when I tried to tell them the truth, that I simply didn't want to colonise this particular planet.. They cut me off. They didn't** ** _want_** **to listen to me.** " Pink rubbed the tears from her eyes. " **They didn't seem to even care if I was in danger from a rebellion, only that the colony was completed. I thought they cared more about the potential resources, than about me...** "

Glancing down at him, she sighed. " **I decided to give up my status as a Diamond and fight solely for the freedom of Earth and the Crystal Gems. Fight so that Ruby and Sapphire could be together, so that Pearl and I could be free of the shackles we were made into. Especially for Pearl, who craved freedom more than any other gem could possibly understand...** "

" **I never meant to hurt Pearl. I didn't know that my final order would have such a lasting effect on her, that it'd make her... incapable, of talking about it. And I didn't mean to... cheat... on her. I didn't realise that she was so unhappy with my actions... she didn't really say anything about it...** "

Hesitantly, Pink reached out and picked Steven up, cradling him in her hand as she brought him to her eye level. " **I never meant to leave you to deal with my problems and mistakes. I only...** " she sighed. " **I wanted to bridge the gap, between humans and gems. To not only help my girls understand humans better, but to create an entirely new life, instead of just healing or destroying it...** "

Pink gently used a fingertip to stroke the top of his head. " **I rarely ever thought things through as much as I should have. Being a Diamond means it's easy to assume that you're right about everything, even despite all other evidence, or when someone, mostly Pearl, tries to tell you otherwise. It's... my greatest flaw.** "

Leaning forwards, Pink gently placed a kiss on his cheek, accidently getting his entire face in the process. " **I'm sorry, Steven... for everything...** "

Steven wiped his face again and looked up at her, his emotions back under control now that he had vented. " **So,... now what?** "

Pink shrugged. " **I don't really know. I wasn't really expecting to ever meet you. I don't understand how this is even possible...** "

" **Oh, uh... I been having these dreams... your memories, I guess. It's only happened a** **couple of times now. You don't seem to be a memory though, so I don't know what's happening either...** " he shrugged.

Pink nodded and looked him over. " **Steven... I'm proud of you. You're clearly already becoming a good man. Someone better than I ever was. They others have been very good influences on you. Not that I doubted Pearl. I knew she'd make a much better mother than I could ever be...** " she sighed. " **Especially with her vast experience with dealing with annoying pink toddlers. She stopped me from doing so many stupid things...** " she chuckled fondly.

Steven looked sceptically at her. " **So, what about...?** "

Pink rolled her eyes. " **Well, she's not a miracle worker, Steven. Even that amazingly talented and brilliant Pearl has her limits.** "

Pink looked him over. " **So... how old are you now, anyway? Time's... a little hard to tell in here... Plus, I was never really good at figuring out how old a human was by looking at them...** "

Steven shrugged. " **I'm almost fifteen. I'm kinda short though. I haven't grown much since I was like, eight...** "

Pink gently tapped his nose with her fingertip. " **Lookit that cute little face though! You must drive all the girls wild. Some of the boys too, I bet...** " she added with a teasing wink.

Steven covered his face with his hands, blushing wildly. " **Nooooooo...** " he moaned in embarrassment.

Pink grinned. " **Got someone special yet? The Sapphire to your Ruby?** "

" **...Maybe...** " he blushed deeper. " **But she's just a friend right now.** "

Pink giggled. " **Good. Have me lots of adorable grandbabbies!** "

" **Muuuum!** "

Pink blinked. " **Do that again.** "

" **Do what?** "

" **Call me that again...** "

Steven dropped his hands to look at her. " **Pearl was right.** "

" **Yeah, she usually is, in my experience.** " Pink said with a shrug. " **What's she right** **about this time though?** "

" **My mother really** ** _is_** **a giant pink dork.** "

She looked at him for a moment. " **Yeah, that's fair.** " she said with an amused snort.


End file.
